I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
