I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
