Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
