who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
