I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
