Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
