So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
