I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
