I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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