Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
