Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
