I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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