She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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