i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
