i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize