Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
