That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
