I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
