i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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