I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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