well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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