Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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