She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
