Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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