Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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