so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
