how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
