Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
