she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize