you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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