your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
