I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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