Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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