i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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