Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
