I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
