matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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