he wants to bone in the snuggie
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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