I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
