ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
