sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
