I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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