Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
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I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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