Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
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You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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