just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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