You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
