it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
