i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
