I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
