I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
