Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
