Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
