evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
