The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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