She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
