I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
