why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
