He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize