another moral hangover. fuck.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
