well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
