Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
