I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
