When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
