there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
