Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
