So drunk, too bad you don't want this
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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