quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
