When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
