If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
porn star boner night. come get it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
