i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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