just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
