I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
