I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
