What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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