You're so nebulous sometimes
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
