It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
