The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did I show you my penis last night?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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